k3l-ViN

     Now, i see the true colours of you, my dear old friend. This test was conducted by myself, to see whether you’re a lost cost backstabber or not. Well, the result is, YOU ARE! Disappointing indeed!

     I can’t believe, after years of being friends, from primary until now, you treat me like this!? I’ve trusted you since the day we became friends, and now the result is simply disappointing! Can’t believe that you’re using me all these while. Like the adage ‘ Wolf in a sheep’s skin ‘, that’s profoundly true to describe you. I regretted for trusting you all these while. I wonder whether the words that you’ve said to me about our classmate really cross your mind or not. Now, your demeanour is similar then his. And you’re eating up your own words, didn’t you notice that? Using someone as a bait to lure people’s attention… Whether you take your action at first rather than using me. If you’re in my shoes, how would you feel? You tell me!

     Once i recalled what i’ve done and the way I treated you, really makes me wanna erase the past. Erase everything, and begin from the very start. All these while, I’ve been giving you shelter, leisure and my own trust. Clearing your ambivalent mind of yours towards you-know-who. Comforting you when you’re in dispair and in deep anguish. And this is what i get for my kindness!? You never supported me but mock me instead. Try being me for a day and you’ll understand how hard is it! And i know you’re the happy-go-lucky type, carefree, but did you ever consider people’s feelings towards your every single actions that you’ve made? You may think that i’m easy to be bullied, easy to be provoked for your entertainment purpose. But i’m sorry to disappoint you, I’ve been playing along with you, to make sure that i’m supporting you with all that i’ve got, to ensure that we could stay as friends. And due to your actions behind my back, that’s all gonna change now! I’m fed up with you!

     The heck, now i’ve seen your true personality. I guess this is a free ticket to say goodbye to our friendship. ‘ Fight fire with fire ‘  this is what i’ll adapt and do the same thing to you, Bastard! Friends….friends…..it’s nothing but words, in actual fact, did you adhere this and hold onto friendship?! I don’t give a damn about it! Be it forever or temporary, i’ll never trust you anymore, and that’s my final dicision! Not happy with me? Try observing yourself in a mirror. If without me, will you be able to stay on and venture forward? You don’t have the guts to do anything. Everything must be done by your friends, and not you. You rely almost everything to your friends, leaving them doing all the dirty work for you. You’re more like tormenting them, and not treating as friends. Did you ever thing about that?!

     For now, i’ll keep my mouth shut and bare with you until the very end. But don’t expect me to be as good as i was last time. Like i said, ‘Fight fire with fire’. You’ll get what you deserve, dear old friend….

      Well, it’s quite a long time since I blogged in. 6 months i guess!? Since it’s a holiday, i finally spared some time to update my blog. A bad year to start with, truely it is. This year should be my exam year, sitting for the ‘PMR’ and yet, i’m stuck with a whole pile of heavy work! Some even to be bore with for a whole year, yes, a year! How’d you expect me to score like this? Stress + more stress = anguish! *sigh*

     Terrible, really terrible. Now i’m left all alone with noone to guide me throughout this year. Even my teachers has high expectations of me. Regretted accepting that post. Really regretted! What will happen to me if i failed to govern and shine such a small club, and even worse, neglect my studies? Everything has to be done by myself, and not others. Every desicion i made wrongly will turn everything into a mess. What if my members never wan to cooperate with me? And what will happen to my studies at the end?To be honest, i’m not ready for this…

     And now another new challange pops into my life. That is something natural i guess. But it keeps on bothering me since then. At times i feel so much to tell her how much i like, love her, but i just can’t. For the sake of my studies and my promise, i can’t confess to her. All the while my perception is ‘ As long she stays happy, be able to keep in touch, then i’ll be satisfied ‘ but it’s just so hard to accomplish such thing. For now, i could only lavish her with my warmest care and sincerest support from a distant so that she is happy and protected. That’s the least i can do for now….

     Besides that, some of my trusted friends started to be distant from me. I can’t think of a reason why, but they just simply island themselves from me. Only some who really hold onto friendship maintain a close contact with me. I even notice some instead of befriending me, they sort of used me for some other purposes. I loathe this kind of people, but they are still my so called ‘friends’. I guess i could only bare with them, until the very end….

     For now, only some of my closest friends, be it far away or close to me, supports and understands me. I really appreciate their help all these while, especially when i’m down. Thank you to my two foster sisters, and my friends all around me that help me resuscitate my strength back, just for now i guess…..